Hoff's Hot Takes Week 5
Hola Amigos. Bienvenido a Hoff's Hot Takes... Alright now that I got my Beto O Rourke Spanish out of the way, hope you are having a great start to the week! Today's Hot Takes are brought to you by Monster Ultra White, The Rewatchables, and Sling TV. It was a high scoring week 5 with lots of twists and turns.
How about JB and George this week? This was the highest scoring game in Player Haters Ball History! Congrats to you two. George pulls it out winning by 25. George had three guys over 30 points, including 35 from the Eagles D. Godwin and Boyd should be great to pair with his studs. JB gets 52 from McCaffrey, who is off to the 5th best start for a RB through 5 games in fantasy football history. McCaffrey's points totals from the first 5 weeks : 40,6,34,28,52.
Nolan gets a huge game from Watson, and scores 111 points with Mike Evans and Phillip Dorsett scoring 0 total points. Good pick up on Will Dissley, and Fournette is starting to chug along. Nolan is 4-1, but only has one top six finish. Weird start to the year for him. Kyle has Lamar Jackson coming back down to earth after an earth shattering start. Kyle is gonna need a WR moving forward to stay competitive in the log jam for the 6th spot. Watson now has the most fantasy points in a QB's first 28 games in fantasy history.
This week's interview is with Peter Nozicka, Esq.
Jordan: If I type "John" into the gif bar, who are the first 5 Johns that pop up
Peter: John Wayne Gacy, John Wayne Bobbit, John Wilkes Booth, John Hinckley Jr, and Johnathon Raymond Baillargeon. I think google is into predetermination now.
Jordan: What villain/bad guy does Peter feel gets a bad name?
Peter: Nikita Gorbachev. Pretty much singlehandedly ended the cold war (Puts on beret)
Jordan: Favorite Nickelodeon show?
Peter: Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Jordan: You receive one billion dollars, but only are allowed to drink four non water beverages for the rest of your life. What 4 do you choose?
Peter: Purple Gatorade, Sugar free Red Bull, Rye Whiskey, and Blanc de blanc Champaign.
Jordan: Rank these conspiracy theories in order of them most likely being covered up - Kennedy Assassination, 9/11 inside job, Moon Landing is fake, Epstien was murdered/no suicide, Illuminati run the world...
Peter: 1) Kennedy Assassination- J Edgar wasn't a fan of papists and probably was sick of listening to secret recordings of Johnny and Marlyn Monroe. 2 - 9/11. Dick Cheney makes J Edgar look like Abraham Lincoln. 3- Moon Landing Faked - Although me thinks Buzz Aldrin doth protest too much. 4 - Epstien - his co conspirators have proven to be very skilled at keeping their traps shut, it would be out by now. 5 - Illuminati - Dan Brown is a hack.
Peter and Nick had the slap fight of the year, with Peter winning 66-60. Peter gets a win with four players at 5 points or under. Don't have a lot to say about these two teams, they are frisky, and Peter could get a run with Gordon back with Mack, Howard, and he will be getting Hill back,. Nick has both Iowa rookie tight ends. I'm done talking about this, so here is something fun - Here are the running backs drafted in 2017 - Fournette, McCaffrey, Cook, Mixon, Kamara, Hunt, Conner, Cohen, Mack, Aaron Jones, Chris Carson, Austin Eckler, Matt Brieda. Every single RB turned out well. That is amazing to me. The 2013 Colorado state high school all state rtunning backs were McCaffrey, Eckler, and Phillip Lindsey. That is insane.
Joe and Mike went at it like Yokozuna vs Undertaker at Royal Rumble 94. Just a couple of big hosses duking it out. Mike had Will Fuller on his bench this week, who scored 53 points - The best game for a fantasy WR since TO! Fucking Terrell Owens. Fuller scored more points this week than Zach Ertz, Kerryon Johnson, and Devonta Freeman have all season. Joe needs Beckham to get going. Side note on Gaza - look at his draft next year. He has a bunch of trade pieces to make an unbeatable team. Mike gets the win, and has finished with a point every week, the only man to do so.
Beej is on the board with a win over Steve. Tidwell loses Gallman to a concussion, and now has two injured Giants runningbacks. Matt Brieda crushes Nick on Monday night and scores 35 points to get a W for BJ....Jordan loses to Micah in a good game. JuJu needs to step his game up for Jordan to become a contender. The Bears need to quit fucking around and run Montgomery more. Julio and the Falcons are pretty terrible. The team is there but not ready right now. Micah is just going to be consistently good and still has AJ Green lurking on his bench. The Nature Boy is flopping.
Consistency Rankings - Average finish among the 12 teams each week
1) Mike - 3.8
2) George - 4.2
3) Joe - 4.8
4) Micah - 5.2
5) JB - 5.4
6) Tidwell - 5.6
7) JPH - 6.4
8) Kyle - 7.4
9) Nolan - 7.6
10) BJ - 8.4
11) Nick - 8.8
12) Peter - 10.2
King of the Hill - America may need farmers, but King of the Hill does not need Nick. He is eliminated this week with 60 points, which is about 30% of what George scored. Thanks for playing, buddy. Eliminated - Beej, Peter, Tidwell, Jordan, Nick. In Play - George, Kyle, JB, Nolan, Micah, Joe, Mike.
Playoff Standings - George, Mike, John, Jordan, Joe, Tidwell
ESPN projected playoff rankings - Nolan, George, JB, Tidwell, Joe, Micah
Hoff's Hot Takes Playoff Predictions - Mike, Joe, George, JB, Micah, Nolan