Hoff's Hot Takes : The Mundelien Chronicles
Hello, and welcome to Hoff's Hot Takes. I want to apologize for the lack of takes last week. It was the bye week for the Takes. I know from the three texts I got that there was a big disturbance in everyone's pooping time, so sorry for that. We have a jam packed takes this week going over the last few weeks of the league, TWO interviews, and a look at the beginning of the end of the regular season. Today's Hot Takes are brought to you by Blueberries and Greek yogurt, Sugar Free Red Bull, and Champion athletic wear.
Week 8 recap : Micah got three points! Micah gets 30 points plus from Golladay, Rodgers, and Aaron Jones, whereas Peter did not get over 20 from one player...Jordan rolls over Joe by about 40 and keeps up at the top of the leaderboard, while Joe stayed down out of the playoffs. Jordan finally got a game out of David Montgomery, and should be relying on him more as the season goes on. JB took down Tidwell by about 30 points. Tidwell got a good game from Barkley and Goff, but JB had a consistent week to take him over the top. Mike seems to be falling faster than a girl at summer camp in a teen comedy as he loses to Kyle by 15. Mahomes needs to get back and he needs to get hot to keep in the playoff hunt, Kyle is entrenched in the playoffs after week 8. Beej put up 120, but loses by 40 to Nolan who had a solid week. Nolan got 105 from Evans, Deshaun, and Latavius combined. George beats Nick by 30 behind 40 plus from Cooper Kupp.
Our first interview is with Joe. Joe is the only member of the league to be a baseball agent, a father of two, and the only member of the league to never win a playoff game. Let us hear some of Joe's thoughts.
Jordan: People always joke about making the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday. If Joe was in charge, what three new national holidays would we get off from work?
Joe: MLB Opening Day, 1/2 (the day after New Years), and everybody gets their birthday off.
Jordan: What activities for Joe Jr, and Nico are secretly really fun for you? Like for example, I always enjoy taking JoJo for walks to the park and going to the swings. She loves it, and I get a few minutes of swing time in.
Joe: I actually enjoy going to the zoo and aquarium. The only problem that packing up and transporting two kids from the house to basically anywhere is basically hell on Earth. So that part sucks. Really hoping one of my kids takes up golf, so that can become my "dad activity I enjoy"
Jordan: Say I drop you in a time machine and send you to 1820. How do you make a living?
Joe: Damn. I actually googled "what was happening in America in 1820" for this one. I am guessing I would probably make a living being a farmer or blacksmith or politican. Maybe buy some land and start my own state.
Jordan: Would you rather get 50,000 dollars in one day, or 10 dollars a day for the rest of your life?
Joe: 50,000 in one day. That is a no brainer. Time Value of Money Bro. C'mon Guys (Pete Lynch voice)
Jordan: How does Joe fix the salary/labor problem in baseball?
Joe: The issues are really simple. Owners have changed the way they value players, and therefore, how they pay them. Now players and the Union have to fight against that and make owners pay according to those adjustments. Owners are taking advantage of service time rules where they get the young premium players on the cheap. Traditionally, those young players would get paid down the road, but now teams are claiming they are too old during their first free agency. Tanking for picks has become an issue as well. Solutions - Lottery Draft system or a snake draft system, salary floor with a % of revenue, players hit arbitration after 2 years instead of 3, players hit FA in 5 years not 6.
Thanks to Joe for participating. Joe went ahead and put it on Nick this weekend by 15 points. Josh Jacobs looks like a good pick for Joe's future. Now would be a good time to talk about Joe making a bunch of moves. I think the moves are quite lateral, but Joe picks up an extra high pick in the exchange, making it a good move on the surface. If he can pair Cook and Jacobs to supplement his WR talent he will sneak in. Nick, just keep hanging your head high on DK Metcalf, TJ Hockenson, and Mark Walton. Zeke will always be there for you buddy.
Jordan gets three points, and is now in first place! Mike keeps on slipping, and desperately needs Mahomes to come back and be the guy he was in the beginning of the season. Nick Chubb also has Kareem Hunt coming into the lineup, so important few games coming up for Mike.
Tidwell takes down Micah, who has his worst game of the season. He left over 50 RB points on the bench, while starting Cohen and Aaron Jones who netted him 6. Can Steve come in hot near the end and get the 5 or 6 seed?
JB takes down Kyle in a match of playoff teams. Kyle sat Lamar Jackson for Kirk Cousins? Is he high? You okay, Stone? Turns out Terry McLaurin isn't the best WR in the league. Derrick Henry is averaging about a TD per week, and only has two games under ten points all season. Look for JB to start making serious buzz with his QB finally back slinging it to Michael Thomas. Also good for JB - McCaffrey only faces two teams inside the top 17 in rush defense the rest of the season.
Beej starts his playoff push with a 25 point beating of Jorge. Beej won even though Thelien was started with 0 points. George made some big moves this week, so this team is not the team that will be representing him the playoffs.
Our second interview is with Bill Malzow. Bill stood up in my wedding, plays the drums, and dated Megan McGrath in high school for a bit. They won cutest couple in our senior superlatives. Here are some of Bill's sick, sadistic thoughts
Jordan: We rush home for D lunch senior year and want to play a quick Royal Rumble on WrestleMania 2000. What is your Mt. Rushmore of characters you choose to battle?
Bill: In order of preference, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mankind, X-Pac, and D Lo Brown
Jordan: You have taken that hog of yours around the country a lot - the motorcycle I am speaking of... What is a totally underrated stretch of the country?
Bill: The area around Lincoln, Nebraska. Blocks of industrial warehouses and old factories across from the train tracks basically turned into bars and clubs. Plus, home of Nebraska football on Saturdays. Not a bad spot.
Jordan: You can only eat one sandwich for the rest of your life- what is that sandwich?
Bill: Rueben. A great sandwich where I usually do not get, or like, those ingredients on anything else.
Jordan: Give me a Hot Take you got bubbling....
Bill: I don't get Post Malone. When he first came out he just looked like a dirty unmaintained douche. Pretty homeless looking. Now he is all clean and wearing Rolex watches and stuff. Why the change sellout? You drive a Rolls Royce now.... I like his songs though.
Jordan: If you had a boat, what kind of boat would you get, and what would you name it?
Bill: Pontoon Boat. Named " Heer for the Beer"
King of the Hill Update - In week 8, Kyle was the low man with 102 points. This was by far the most anybody has scored and been eliminated. Sorry Doctor Poop. In week 9, Micah is the lowman with 79 points. Eliminated - Beej, Peter, Tidwell, Jordan, Nick, JB, Mike, Kyle, Micah... Your Final three alive for the King of the Hill 2019 Title are Joe, George, and Nolan.
Let us look ahead to week 10 - JB and Jordan clash in a game JB needs to keep pace with the leaders. Jordan is ahead by a bit, but a strong week may solidify his spot near the byes.... Tidwell's Last Stand - Can Tidwell get some points off Kyle to keep his playoff hopes alive? Big weeks from people in front and a bad week from Tidwell and he may be done...Game of the week may be Micah and Nolan for standings at the top of the leaderboard... Beej is mathematically alive, but without a big score this week may be done, and Joe needs a win to get into the playoffs...
Playoff Standings : Jordan, Nolan, JB, George, Micah, Kyle
ESPN Playoff Predictions: JB, Nolan, Jordan, George, Micah, Joe
Hoff's Hot Takes Playoff Projections : Nolan, Jordan, George, Micah, JB, Joe