Hoff's Hot Takes Thanksgiving!
Hello all and welcome to the Thanksgiving Edition of Hoff's Hot Takes. What a waste of a week, am I right? I mean these three days feel like 78 hours long each. This week we have two interviews! There are going to be tons of twists turns and surprises along the way obviously as well. You know the drill. Today's Hot Takes are brought to you by Chic Fil A, Staples. and The Maui Invite.
Week 12 recap - Jordan puts up a shit Sammie and gets crushed by Tidwell by 40 points. Jordan is really banged up and trending in the wrong direction with the playoffs starting soon... Speaking of trending in the wrong direction, George got whopped Nolan by 56. This marks the first time this year that a team has been doubled up.... Kyle gets 70 points from Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry to cruise to 75 point win or so over Nick. This makes the second time this season a team has been doubled up.. Joe is surging, predicted here first by Hoff's Hot Takes, and beats Micah by 77. This marks the third game this week with a team getting doubled up....BJ didnt get doubled up, he just sucks.. JB cruises to a win.... Mike beats Peter in the weak noodle slap fight of the week.
This week, as mentioned in the wonderful intro, we have two interviews. Let us get started with the first one. Sean Furlong is a name we have not seen too much lately, lets change that...
Jordan: Send me a picture of your go to pen that you used in highschool
Sean: Zebra pen. Mofo doubles as a one hitter. Use the shaft to flip the cone around and boom - drug paraphernalia
Jordan: Favorite chips and dip...
Sean: Sterzings. These are only sold in Iowa. I miss them everyday. Not a big chip and dip guy usually, but a good pico or corn salsa is tasty.
Jordan: What is a useless skill or talent you have?
Sean: I am a walking IMDB. Watching a movie or show I cam usually pick out one or two things an actor is in. I may not know their name, but i am good at faces. Rill can attest.
Jordan: What is something you are surprised is not invented yet, or is not more popular?
Sean: How do we not have a machine that can perfectly dry and fold laundry. We can clean it, and dry it... but we can not fold it. Literally one step away from being perfect. If anyone can figure out a way to make a dryer fold clothes you are set for life. Bezos and Gates would have nothing on the folding laundry guy. Maybe Im the only lazy sack of shit that gets dressed from a pile of clean clothes that are from the floor, but I'd assume we would have this figured out by now. Runners up - Soccer in America, a pill to take care of hangovers, shoes that self tie, and hoverboards (Editors Note: I think Sean just watched Back to the Future)
Jordan: Rank these foods on a scale of 1-10 : Jalapenos, shrimp, butterfinger, ceaser salad, pop tarts
Sean : Jalapenos - 7.8 pretty versatile ingredient in the kitchen...Shrimp - alone 5, with cocktail sauce 8, with cocktail sauce on New Years eve 10. Family tradition to eat shrimp on New Years Eve....Pop Tarts - Smore 11, anything else is a 0....Butterfinger- 4....Caesar Salad - 2
Playoff Scenarios - Find your name. See what has to happen to affect, effect, change, or manipulate your seeding.. The top three are pretty simple, but I just copied and pasted the email that JB sent me this morning for the rest:
JB - Clinches 1 seed with 1 point. Worst JB can finish is the two seed. Congrats on the bye and the $50.
Nolan - Clinches 1 overall seed with 3 points, and JB with 0 points. Clinches 2 seed by outscoring Jordan by 1. Can only be a 1,2,or 3 seed.
Jordan - clinches 2 seed by outpotining Nolan. Outscore the other playoff dudes by a point, and or Joe and Kyle get 0 points. Should be two seed, or three seed at worst. Would take a longshot to get lower than 3.
Lets get to an interview with Nolan. Nolan is currently in second place, got married this summer, and has a nice head of hair. Lets hear his thoughts on some things:
Jordan: Would you rather be able to run 75MPH or fly 2MPH?
Nolan : Run 75MPH for sure. Even though the flying part would be sweet, going 2MPH everywhere would be so slow and frustrating. Also, I could win alot of gold medals going that fast.
Jordan: Coolest batting stance of all time?
Nolan: I think Id have to go Gary Sheffield or Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey would be my top choice with how smooth he looked. Now if we want to go outrageous, I would go with Tony Bautista. Just up there with his stance so open that his balls are straight up facing the pitcher.
Jordan: Mt. Rushmore of sports sounds?
Nolan: Perfect swish of a basketball, someone getting JACKED UP!, pop of the catchers mitt on a heater, and crack of a bat hitting a homer.
Jordan: What is your go to Italian Dinner?
Nolan: My Ma makes a great lasanga. The traditional ricotta based kind, but i like the meat sauce even better. I also make a mean spghetti a la carbonara.
Week 13 preview - Jordan should beat Nick, and he needs two points to be safe for the bye...George and Tidwell lock up in an important game for the first week of the playoffs next week...Joe needs to get some points from Nolan in the game of the week....Papa Beej can take some piss out of Kyle's team with a win this weekend. Lets give it up to Beej, competitive all year.... Micah and Mike also have a game that can re seed the playoffs. Peter and JB play as well in a game that is going to be the upset of the year. Give me Peter.
PHB Standings : JB. Nolan, Jordan, Kyle, Joe, George
ESPN Final Standings Projections - JB, Nolan, Kyle, Joe, Jordan, George
Hoff's Hot Takes Projections - JB, Nolan, Joe, Jordan, Kyle, Mike
Stay tuned to a very special season ending Hoff's Hot Takes next week with a special surprise!